Day 23: Part 1 Foncebadon to Ponferrada; The Cruz de Ferro.

I’ve decided to break up today’s notes in two parts. My notes of the past 22 days have been particularly non-dramatic, purposefully, but with each day also bringing something new, refreshing, and personal. The reason I walked the extra 7 KMs from Rabanal to Foncebadon was for one reason, to be closer to the Cruz de Ferro, a site not to be missed in the early morning and which is probably one of the most important stops for me.

Traditionally, pilgrims carry a rock or stone that signifies a burden that one has carried in their lifetime, and at the Cruz de Ferro, we take this rock and place it or toss it at the base of the towering cross, Cruz de Ferro, to signify we are letting go of this burden. The movie, The Way, reflected this as an event in a moving personal moment where each person released the guilt they had carried in their life.

During my first two Camino’s, in 2013 and 2015, the moment of standing in front of the Cruz de Ferro was significant, life changing. I carried a rock for my mom and then my brother, both of whom had passed on, in my view prematurely, and where I carried the guilt of maybe not doing enough for them in life. I buried my guilt at the Cruz de Ferro, a confession so to speak, and let it go with a prayer and toss of a stone. It sounds simple, and it is, as was the guilt that I carried, which I put upon myself, simply said. I’ve never looked back. It’s a very humbling, but also an uplifting experience to forgive oneself.

Now, my third time, leaving Foncebadon at 7:00am for the 2km walk to the Cruz de Ferro. I had now walked 22 days in honor of my father’s life. A promise made to him before he had passed, but not just for him, for his entire family, brothers, sister, and parents who came to the United States as teenagers looking for a better life. My dad lived until he was 99. The day he died, my brother said he had said his goodbyes many times to our father, and had no regrets. This statement has stuck with me since because as I’ve thought and planned this pilgrimage I too had the same feeling that I had done all I could for my dad during his life. This time, it was just the opposite, I, along with all my brothers, had really tried to do more for our father during his life, help him when he needed it, and we went out of our way many times for him. As time went on, I realized, we left no stone unturned for him, especially as he grew older and had difficulty taking care of himself. I say this because for my dad and his family, I did not carry a stone during my pilgrimage to this point. I had no guilt or burden to carry here or to forgive myself for, nada, I, we had done our best for our father, no doubts.

As I approached the Cruz de Ferro, I was instead overcome with happiness. My thoughts came rapidly about my dad, mom, brother, my uncles, aunts, cousins, and not just the Rezendes/Braga family but my moms family, the Pillens and Isherwoods, who also came to the United States for a better life. As I approached the Cruz de Ferro, it felt as though they were walking behind me. I turn around, no one there, but I can feel them present, smiling, cheering me on. I stop in front of the towering pole with its cross at the top, rocks piled up around it, and I see a pilgrim sitting at a bench, praying, weeping. I know the feeling.

For a moment I see the faces of those who have passed on, dad, mom, Carla, Connie, Uncle’s Fred, Ed, John, Joe, and Tia Mary, their spouses, and more, all the people who have been in some way, a part of my life. I say thank you. If not for them, I would not be here now, in this moment, on top of a mountain, cold, wet, but feeling overwhelmed with love and gratitude. A peaceful feeling comes over me, I say a short prayer, and take a moment to watch other pilgrims toss their stones, take pictures, and move on.

I think for a short moment that maybe I should take a stone with me, but a voice in my head says, “no, the burden has already been carried by those who came before you.” There is no reason to take a rock. I pull a flower from the forest and lay it at the base of the Cruz de Ferro, and say goodbye to those who had passed on.

As I depart, I turn back one more time, snap a picture and say goodbye to this place. It’s special, and I feel especially grateful for my life, and all the people in my life, you know who you are. In walking away, I think about my friend Jeff and brother in law Jimmy, that they had missed this moment, but maybe it wasn’t meant to be, their role was to simply help me get here.

Please enjoy the pictures of the Cruz de Ferro:

Departing Foncebadon

A ghostly ruin at the end of town in Foncebadon

Sunrise on the trail to Cruz de Ferro

Approaching the Cruz de Ferro

Standing at the base of the Cruz de Ferro, the rocks piled up

A close up of the rocks people have laid with messages to their loved ones.

One last look back. From the other side , the Cruz de Ferro, as I depart the site.